copyright 2000 - 2008                                                  

This material represents our best effort to be helpful within the constraints of this format. Other information and counseling should be considered before crucial decisions are made.


More Advice

Administering Correction:  Again, the Bible says not to "provoke your children to anger" (Colossians 3:21).Correction should, therefore, be calmly, lovingly and purposefully applied.

Not when angry! Never correct a child when you are angry. Never retaliate against bad behavior.
Correct it!
          
Here's How. First show your child the rule they broke and review the correction attached to that offence. Tell them that you love them. Say why they are being corrected. (To help them not to break the rule again) Then administer the correction.
          Afterwards, pray with your child. Ask God to help you be a good father or mother. Ask God to help your child not to commit the offense again. Then give them a big hug!
          Yes, it takes time to do it right. But when they are teens you won't regret your investment (Proverbs 29:17)

The result? This method of administering your house rules will bear fruit. Your children will love you for setting boundaries of behavior. As teens, they will voluntarily obey because of their love for you. Isn't that what we all want as parents? Isn't that the goal?

Your Children's Future: Just as the bow sends the arrow toward a target, so parents point their children in the right direction. After all, parents know their children's talents and abilties -- even their heart, better than do they. The Bible puts it this way, "Train up a child in the way they should go. And when they are old they will not depart from it." (Proverbs 22:6)

Instill Values. Instill absolute moral values. Point them to Jesus Christ! Steer them into vocational areas corresponding to their unique talents. In short, prepare them for life and for eternity.

IS IT TOO LATE?

           The older the children are the harder it will be to institute a set of house rules and a correction system. But why not try, using the method below -- plus prayer.

Be honest. Tell your children that to be a better parent you would like to make some changes. Explain your system. Ask for their support and above all, stick to it!

          If you have teenagers who are giving trouble, it is a difficult situation. Order can be restored in your household, but only through prayer and love. God can set families right but He will only intervene where He is invited.

A Christian Home If you haven't done so, consider entrusting first your life and then your home to Jesus Christ. The Meaning of Life, tells you how. With God's help a tranquil home is possible no matter what it's like now.
          A Christian home is where everyone loves God and each other. It is where peace reigns. Isn't that what you want?

A good church strenghtens the home. Join a local, Bible preaching church where the entire family can be with people who will strengthen your home by association. Establish a family devotion time consisting of Bible study and prayer. A family involved in this activity will rarely have conflicts.
INTRODUCTION

          You likely chose this pamphlet because you are experiencing difficulty in rearing your children, or perhaps you are just looking for a little advice in this area.
          For most people, raising a child is a little like feeding an alligator. When it's a baby they feed it because it's cute. When it's older and 10 feet long, they feed it to keep it from eating them!
          No one blames you for feeling some anxiety about parenting. Obviously your heart is in the right place or you wouldn't be seeking counsel in this area.

CHILDREN ARE FROM GOD. According to the Bible, children are an inheritance from the Lord. (Psalm 127:33) They are to be raised with proper values from which they will not depart as they grow older.

BOWS AND ARROWS. Psalm 127:4 likens children to arrows waiting to be launched by a bow. Parents must prepare their "arrows" for flight and then propel them toward a specific target -- a productive and fulfilled life that honors God. This not only describes good parenting, it defines a noble goal.

LOVE. A child should arrive in this world wanted and loved -- the product of a loving union. In fact, love should mark all aspects of child rearing. Even when spanking or other correction is in order, it is love that makes such action achieve its goals.

          Early on, your children will obey because you will correct them if they don't. When they get older, however, you want them to obey because they love you!

          If your children are still young, my advice will help you toward this lofty goal. If it's already too late and your teens are ten foot alligators, then you'll have to play catch up.

PUNISHMENT OR CORRECTION. The question isn't whether to spank or not to spank. The Bible tells us that spanking is an appropriate option in certain situations. The question should be whether to
correct offending behavior or to punish it. Any action you take should have two goals. First you want to correct improper behavior. Second you want to keep it from being repeated. (Proverbs 22:6)

          The Bible instructs parents not to make your children angry and resentful. (Ephensians 6:4) Spanking while angry or for punishment alone breeds rebellion. On the other hand, correction lovingly applied can achieve important and lasting results.

ADVICE

Early Start. Begin early with a set of child rearing and correction rules that you will follow without fail. Inconsistency will frustrate your best intentions.

Get on the same page. If both parents are in the home, they should agree to these guidelines and implement them in exactly the same manner. Never fail to back one another up.

Be adults! Parents, you decide for what's best for your child. Almost never ask the child "what they want?" Children aren't prepared, can't handle and don't want to be in control. In fact, they feel both insecure and frustrated when parents abrogate their responsibility in such an irrational manner. .
Note to the Reader:  Before you begin this page, click on "The Meaning of Life" and read it first. It has foundational material that will help you understand this page better. It only takes a few extra minutes. When you finish come back here and continue. Do it our way.
child rearing
                                                                                
                                                                                                                                            by Duron Davis
Note to the Reader:  Before you begin this page, click on "The Meaning of Life" and read it first. It has foundational material that will help you understand this page better. It only takes a few extra minutes. When you finish come back here and continue. Do it our way.
INTRODUCTION

          You likely chose this pamphlet because you are experiencing difficulty in rearing your children, or perhaps you are just looking for a little advice in this area.
          For most people, raising a child is a little like feeding an alligator. When it's a baby they feed it because it's cute. When it's older and 10 feet long, they feed it to keep it from eating them!
          No one blames you for feeling some anxiety about parenting. Obviously your heart is in the right place or you wouldn't be seeking counsel in this area.

CHILDREN ARE FROM GOD. According to the Bible, children are an inheritance from the Lord. (Psalm 127:33) They are to be raised with proper values from which they will not depart as they grow older.

BOWS AND ARROWS. Psalm 127:4 likens children to arrows waiting to be launched by a bow. Parents must prepare their "arrows" for flight and then propel them toward a specific target -- a productive and fulfilled life that honors God. This not only describes good parenting, it defines a noble goal.

LOVE. A child should arrive in this world wanted and loved -- the product of a loving union. In fact, love should mark all aspects of child rearing. Even when spanking or other correction is in order, it is love that makes such action achieve its goals.

          Early on, your children will obey because you will correct them if they don't. When they get older, however, you want them to obey because they love you!

          If your children are still young, my advice will help you toward this lofty goal. If it's already too late and your teens are ten foot alligators, then you'll have to play catch up.

PUNISHMENT OR CORRECTION. The question isn't whether to spank or not to spank. The Bible tells us that spanking is an appropriate option in certain situations. The question should be whether to
correct offending behavior or to punish it. Any action you take should have two goals. First you want to correct improper behavior. Second you want to keep it from being repeated. (Proverbs 22:6)

          The Bible instructs parents not to make your children angry and resentful. (Ephensians 6:4) Spanking while angry or for punishment alone breeds rebellion. On the other hand, correction lovingly applied can achieve important and lasting results.

ADVICE

Early Start. Begin early with a set of child rearing and correction rules that you will follow without fail. Inconsistency will frustrate your best intentions.

Get on the same page. If both parents are in the home, they should agree to these guidelines and implement them in exactly the same manner. Never fail to back one another up.

Be adults! Parents, you decide for what's best for your child. Almost never ask the child "what they want?" Children aren't prepared, can't handle and don't want to be in control. In fact, they feel both insecure and frustrated when parents abrogate their responsibility in such an irrational manner. .
Suggested Guidelines

1. The first time your child disobeys, correct them. Say "no!" If they respond or even show signs of responding, praise them. This shows them that they are making you happy through obedience. If they don't obey, pat their hand as you repeat "no!" Then respond approvingly when they show signs of obedience. This will happen before the age of one year.

2. Faithfully reinforce the fact that there will be limits on their behavior. Every time they disobey, repeat the process above until the undesired behavior is corrected.

3. Remember, you are correcting behavior not accidents! If a child spills milk or accidently breaks a lamp, treat it as an accident anyone could have had.

4. Spanking should be an option for just two offenses -- direct disobedience and/or rebellion. Different measures should be used for other offenses. Constant spankings will breed rebellion and has no place in a Bible based child rearing program.

5. Your children should know the rules of the house. Put them in writing. Explain them clearly, along with their corresponding correction responses. Then, post them on the refrigerator.

6. Never correct a child for doing something you never told them not to do. Children need defined boundaries to be happy and secure.
More Advice

Administering Correction:  Again, the Bible says not to "provoke your children to anger" (Colossians 3:21).Correction should, therefore, be calmly, lovingly and purposefully applied.

Not when angry! Never correct a child when you are angry. Never retaliate against bad behavior.
Correct it!
          
Here's How. First show your child the rule they broke and review the correction attached to that offence. Tell them that you love them. Say why they are being corrected. (To help them not to break the rule again) Then administer the correction.
          Afterwards, pray with your child. Ask God to help you be a good father or mother. Ask God to help your child not to commit the offense again. Then give them a big hug!
          Yes, it takes time to do it right. But when they are teens you won't regret your investment (Proverbs 29:17)

The result? This method of administering your house rules will bear fruit. Your children will love you for setting boundaries of behavior. As teens, they will voluntarily obey because of their love for you. Isn't that what we all want as parents? Isn't that the goal?

Your Children's Future: Just as the bow sends the arrow toward a target, so parents point their children in the right direction. After all, parents know their children's talents and abilties -- even their heart, better than do they. The Bible puts it this way, "Train up a child in the way they should go. And when they are old they will not depart from it." (Proverbs 22:6)

Instill Values. Instill absolute moral values. Point them to Jesus Christ! Steer them into vocational areas corresponding to their unique talents. In short, prepare them for life and for eternity.

IS IT TOO LATE?

           The older the children are the harder it will be to institute a set of house rules and a correction system. But why not try, using the method below -- plus prayer.

Be honest. Tell your children that to be a better parent you would like to make some changes. Explain your system. Ask for their support and above all, stick to it!

          If you have teenagers who are giving trouble, it is a difficult situation. Order can be restored in your household, but only through prayer and love. God can set families right but He will only intervene where He is invited.

A Christian Home If you haven't done so, consider entrusting first your life and then your home to Jesus Christ. The Meaning of Life, tells you how. With God's help a tranquil home is possible no matter what it's like now.
          A Christian home is where everyone loves God and each other. It is where peace reigns. Isn't that what you want?

A good church strenghtens the home. Join a local, Bible preaching church where the entire family can be with people who will strengthen your home by association. Establish a family devotion time consisting of Bible study and prayer. A family involved in this activity will rarely have conflicts.
A SAFE HARBOR

Your home should be a safe harbor in a stormy world. While government schools teach political correctness and hand out condoms, you can produce rock solid citizens. It could be your child who leads a floundering generation back home to the principles and values so obviously lost.
copyright 2000 - 2008                                                  

This material represents our best effort to be helpful within the constraints of this format. Other information and counseling should be considered before crucial decisions are made.


THE COUNSELING CENTER - WHITE, GEORGIA   30184